November 2007

Blog Blug

Thursday, November 29th, 2007

I think after NaBloPoMo stops flogging me, I will try NaGreTeDriMo in which I shun coffee and sweet hot drinks and focus on green tea drinking.  Or perhaps NaSalEatMo* in which nothing but salad is ever eaten.  Can they be national, though, if it’s just me?  Perhaps not.  Local? LoGreTeDriMo.  Or personal?  PerGreTeDriMo. 

Bla, ble, bli, blo, bluuuuuuh! This reminds me of doing “blend ladders” when I was learning to read (at the age of four, sssssizzle!).  My mother would hold up a “blend” flashcard that said “thr” or “fl” and I would sing it with each vowel up the scale: thra, thre, thri, thro, thru. 

In addition to being raised to crippling dorkity, I can kick all y’all’s asses in the phonics department.  Come on, whatchu got?  Sl?  Str? Bring it!

*although, anything ending with “Eat Mo” would seem to belie the weight loss at which salad intake aims.

Why, what happens on the 25th?

Wednesday, November 28th, 2007

xmas-tree.JPGHere’s an example of our alternate priorities for the month of December.  We got a tree, but don’t have time to deal with it for the next two weeks during the crucial, water-every-5-minutes period.  Hmmm, what’s big and holds a lot of water?  Recycling bin! 

I guess we’re not far from this state of things.

redneckchristmasdinner.jpg

Mini me

Wednesday, November 28th, 2007

This little girl is dressed identically to Mommy, from the Newsies cap to the quilted jacket to the Coach bag.  Cute or creepy?  mini-me.JPG

You think I’m a potty humor-obsessed grouch, but see? a list of positive things

Monday, November 26th, 2007

Today I am the cartoon character with one thick black line for an eyebrow and two eyeballs sagging beneath it and a dark scribble of funk over my head.  Tried looking for some clipart of a grumpy Calvin, but no luck. 

After a long, med-free day of driving, traffic, coming home to Rt. 46 U-turns, frenzied media research and a late bedtime, I woke up as grumpy as humanly possible and in serious need of some prunes and bran. 

The rainy train ride was tainted by my two seatmates, Pack-a-Day and The Macy’s Perfume Department.  When Macy’s left her umbrella on the floor, I decided against pointing it out.  Two much nicer humans saw it, though, and pointed it out to me, thinking it was mine.  I felt briefly chastised, but frankly, the woman could use a good rinse.  With any luck her co-workers will not spend their mornings with dry, itchy eyes from her perfume overdose. 

On the bright side:

1. The train arrived at Walnut St. before I did and stopped between the lowered gates.  I ducked under the gates, walked around in front of the train and boarded!!!!  No cops giving tickets!  No announcement from the engineer to bar the young lady with the brown coat from boarding!  The conductor saw me coming and held the door for me! 

2. My laptop battery lasted the entire ride to work. 

3. My green tea smells like fish, but it has soothed me somewhat.

4. When we got home last night, there were two packages for me, and they contained neither aluminum, foam, plastic, or packaging.  These had finally arrived (and in the interest of this Pollyanna list, I will save my ire on the cost and length of delivery for the Shoe Metro customer service) and so had this beautiful thing, which I’ll wear to a family wedding this weekend:
gold-pearl-clutch.jpg

Sunday, November 25th, 2007

“Posting” from my iPhone BECAUSE I CAN.

But it would sure be handy to have a stylus for this thing. Wonder if anyone will make one soon.

The Rural Tenenbaums

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

It’s a holiday, so I have plenty of time, but feel that I should get time off from doing the have-tos. Like blogging.

We went with the family to a Christmas tree farm and spent waaay too much time poking, circling, sniffing and bending. What, are they like melons at the supermarket, another elaborate product-selection process, where you thump and toss and kick ‘em down the aisle? You see that topspin? That’s a good one!

I pretty much felt that if it was green, stood up straight and had a few arms to hold ornaments, it was sufficient. No one comes over to our house during the holidays, anyway; we’re all too busy visiting each other to, uh, visit each other, and certainly no one will be standing around admiring the fullness of the branches and needle gloss and whatever the hell else there is to really get into about trees.

But, noooo. We have to reject one based on its bare spot one one side and another on its too sparse top (highly desireable, I would think, for angels and stars and such). Come one, guys, we’re covered in treeees! Just pick one already. Also? I can no longer feel my toes. I’m going to chop the damn thing up for firewood so I can keep warm out here.

p.s. We did and it was a fir. Not very sappy and smells quite nice.

Safety first

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

From P’s Safety Advisor, preceding the company Thanksgiving lunch. I laughed so hard I chocked in the Kitchen of Fire.

“CHOCKING ON AN APPERTIZER

Anybody can get something stuck in their throat. Its decidedly more common for the kids and grandparents than everyone else

– although it gets more common as the wine starts flowing.

Know the Heimlich maneuver and call 911.

LIGHTING THE KITCHEN OF FIRE

Grease fires are notoriously dangerous. It’s easy to extinguish the typical grease fire by smothering it, but make sure everyone is heading out of the house first.

Be aware of grease fires. NEVER USE WATER ON A GREASE FIRE!”

I’ve been getting a lot of grease fire email warnings lately. Apparently, it’s a big enough deal that they do fireball experiments in test kitchens. I am in the wrong line of work.

Triptophan Day

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

1.I’ve been missing a few days of this here NaBloPoMo and am not entirely to blame for it. Computer problems at home and an infernally malconnected network at work (have I been Dooced?) make for very sporadic posting.

So, I’ve been pulling up some drafts and tweaking things and throwing them up here to get the monkey off my back.

2. Today we left our place about 10 and made it down to the in-laws in 3:40, an all-time record. I won’t tell you who was driving or how many miles per hour were averaged, but it wasn’t someone with a prostate.

We contributed Jim Lahey’s fabulous bread, with a rosemary and olive oil tweak of my own, and some pumpkin pies.
All the usual trimmings were there, with my favorites: sister-in-law’s baked stuffed potatoes and MIL’s asparagus. I ate sparingly and feel unusually comfortable and not bloated and HOLY CRAP THIS JUST BECAME AN I ATE SOUP FOR LUNCH BLOG.

welcome for coming!

Friday, November 23rd, 2007

translation4.jpg

I’d like to reiterate how awesome this website is. Go there. Do it!

Meme-ish

Wednesday, November 21st, 2007

Schmutzie, one of my Heroes of the Blog Faith, offers the following meme. Nine things that make me suspicious, but I’m going to start with five, since it’s my first meme.

1. Friendly people.
2. Perky people.
3. Inquiries about my spirituality.
4. Earlobe-textured items in stew.
5. Whispered conversations in my boss’s office.

(ha, bosses office, bosses office, boss off, ossifer. hi, I like words).

Okay, I tag AL and the Flashmistress: name your suspy causes.