Here (playlist at your right) are some dandy and fabulous gentlemen to rock out to. I recommend dancing through the Saturday chores.
And wtf, just for fun, here is Jake Shears singing gospel with Dolly Parton.
May 2008
Music Friday
Saturday, May 31st, 2008Scarfgate
Saturday, May 31st, 2008
Michelle Malkin on Rachel Ray’s scarf.
Perhaps we should also ban the wearing of crosses, a symbol for which folks have been instigating holy wars for quite some time.
Michelle Malkin is a stupid cow.
and now a word about thongs
Saturday, May 31st, 2008First of all, what the hell is wrong with a nice, healthy Visible Panty Line? I hope to goodness you are all wearing panties out there, and frankly, I would prefer to see the hard, cold evidence.
Things that are unsightly:
1. your trousers conforming to each divet in your dimpled buttocks
2. your RUFFLED, DENIM thong line, by which you missed the InVPL by several bumpy miles
3. your trousers or dress getting pinched between your buttocks for lack of the panty creating the beautiful illusion that women do not have butt cracks
4. the rippling quiver of your unfettered buttocks as you ascend the stairs in front of me
And truly, the thong is just as visible as the granniest pair of knickers out there. It has seams, yes? and likely sits atop your skin at some point? and contains elastic banding within? Then do not kid yourself that you are pulling one over on us.
And now I will take my seat on the front porch with the other grouchy grannies grumbling about the gremlins of this generation. Thank you.
Potty times of yore
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008Our bathrooms were broke, so we had to use the ones on the 21st floor. It was pretty weird. First the 21st floor ladies were in there griping about how the door wasn’t locked today/ why not/ it’s a security risk. I nicely mentioned that it was probably to accomodate the un-bathroomed, so they stopped trying to lock it but were still very concerned about security. Why, crazy ladies, why? Who is stealing cups of toilet water?
Second, there were only two stalls, so things were a bit more intimate than usual. Third, there was a vent blowing directly on the seat, so it was impossible to put paper down to sit on. I had to sort of lick it* and stick it to my legs and hold it as I sat down quickly. Third, as I did my business, our VP came in and went into the next stall**. I was just getting up and so my tp seat liners blew right up against her leg. I couldn’t take them back or apologize because she was getting all busy and noisy over there, and it would have been worse if she knew it was me or an arm came reaching around her feet. So I fled anonymously.
*not really.
**I knew it was her because I had earlier heard her asking how to get there.
My job is awesome
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008Just received an email with a subject that began “Rights for God…”
Yes, I control the rights to God. You’ve reached the person who controls God.
People who ride my train
Tuesday, May 20th, 20081. Beowulf. I found him less intriguing when I sat next to him and got a whiff of his halitosis. All that monster-slaying doesn’t leave a lot of time for dental hygiene.
2. Ben Hur/Charleton Heston. DEAD ringer (ha). Even rides a bike to the train station, chariot-like.
3. Frumpy Heidi. Looks a little like Asser’s sister, but somewhat sloppy.
4. Nice Conductor. Handsome, genteel, suave, professional. Except he has the most misguided hairstyle: long braided ponytail with a completely shaved scalp underneath the back.
5. Seedy Boys Club. Look exactly like frat boys with thinning hair and wedding bands. Guffaw loudly about farts and sports. Probably work on Wall Street.
7. Bob Balaban
8. Leonine Man. Short, powerful, sinewy, but somehow more catlike than manly because of it.
9. Huge Face Man I and II.
10. Unfortunate-looking Girl. Has unsightly, fleshy pimple at crown of head.
11. Grown-up Allissa. Have been trying for years to get a good picture to prove this.
12. Man-hips. Wears high-wasted pleated chinos that are too short and showcase his rather womanly posterior.
Music Friday (even when posted on Sunday night)
Monday, May 19th, 20081. Mika: Lollipop. Start dancing now!
2. Kirsty MacColl: In These Shoes. Sassy! And practice your Spanish.
3. Kim Carnes: Bette Davis Eyes. I don’t have anything to say about this song, but I like it.
4. Feist: Sea Lion Woman. Start dancing again! This one is live, so deal with all the applause and whatnot.
5. Nina Simone: Sinnerman. Mixed by Felix da Housecat. For Julie and possibly Joey Hall, if they don’t think this is sacrilege.
Take that, Veggie Heaven
Monday, May 19th, 2008Finally, I have discovered what the heck they use over at my favorite vegetarian restaurant for the fake gluten "meat." It's called seitan (SAY-tahn; keep that H in there or you'll have to say it in a Dark Lord voice) and I found one or two varieties at Whole Foods. I believe you can also find it at Asian markets. At WF, it was in the dairy aisle, among the tempeh and tofu.
It's sort of lumpy and brownish, thoroughly revolting to look at, squishy. But like all the non-meats, it sautes up nice and crisply, and it has a chewy, almost chicken-y feel when eaten.
I sauteed in olive oil with a splash of sesame oil, added stir-fry veg, sprinkled with sesame seeds, added a vaguely Asian brown sauce (that needs some work) and served over brown rice. (A Googleage of "seitan recipes" will help you figure out where to start, but basically treat it like tempeh).
Even P liked it. Hurrah. When I can wrestle these Wordpress/huge jpg/server/upload speed bastards to the ground, I will add some pictures. (update: Bastards partially subdued, thanks to the Flashmistress and some very patient remedial html help from P. Also, I have the patience of a petulant, fit-throwing toddler. Please to give me Paxil. )
Vatican Buys Palm for $800 Million
Monday, May 12th, 2008This article seems more suited to The Onion than Gawker, but I couldn’t pass up this “quote” from Pope Benedict:
May 10
Sunday, May 11th, 2008I’m toying with the idea of having a Music Friday, or similarly themed weekdays, in order to give my wimpy inner writer some manageable goals. Much like one would encourage a hopelessly un-potty-trained child to just pee in her diaper NEXT to the toilet, that’s a good start, dear.
Naturally, I would have 2 hours worth of technical difficulties, in which I refused to ask P for help in loading up a new imeem playlist and slipping its code into the correct place, but after he became sick of hearing all the goddammits and huffing coming from the studio and I had hurled my martyred self across the bed, he very graciously went through it with me. And again, the machine noticed that the person using it had a penis and cooperated exactly as it should have.
So here is my musical offering, gentle reader (I know there’s only one of you. Hi, KL!).
1. Music is the Victim- Scissor Sisters. One of my favorite work-out songs, and very appropriate because my daddy actually DOES go on a “dog run.”
2. You Turn Me On, I’m a Radio- Joni Mitchell. Fell in love with her in college, thanks to my matchless roompit’s CD collection and haven’t looked back. This song is completely out of sync with the others on this list, so you will perhaps want to save it for sunny afternoon of dancing around in the house in your underwear.
3. I Love to Boogie- T Rex. From the Billy Elliot soundtrack!
4. Fat-Bottom Girls- Queen. Inappropriate! Rousing! Why can’t high school choirs sing this? May lead to raccous lip-syncing and compromising rock-star poses.