Although they make me want to gauge out my eyes with melon spoons (a la all conversations with my mother), I try not to write a lot about Christian fundies.  A) it feel disloyal, and B) it isn’t nice.  But Dr. Dobson has been chapping my ass (literally, with his spanking-of-children enthusiasm) for nearly 30 years.

My sister brought to my attention a CNN article in which Dobson discounted Obama’s statements about the Bible as “distorting” and said that he had a “fruitcake interpretation of the Constitution.”  We stormed and seethed about it and then began reminiscing about being children of the Focus on the Family Empire.  My mom had every book on parenting and relationships, we listened to all the radio programs for kids and adults, we turned our hearts toooward hoooooome, we bought the merch.  Even his daughter Danae had a line of children’s books.

I was always irked by the name “Danae.” Like her parents had just made up some sort of princessy name.  And princesses are creepy.

Another creepy thing? FotF is located in Evangelicalville itself: Colorado Springs, home of the Purity Ball. The dads’ pledges quoted in this article make me stabby: “before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity.”  As does this daughter’s quote: “If we don’t get it from home, we will go out to the culture and get it from them.”  The Culture!  That monster that makes art and movies and clothing AGAINST THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.

It was with great pleasure that I wiki’d “Danae” and found her to be mythological, as I suspected.  Get this: she was pregnantouttawedlock with a false god’s child!  Her father locked her up, but Zeus came through the window in a golden shower and impregnated her.  SO MUCH FOR FATHER-MONITORED PURITY, JIMMY D!!

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