November 2009

News feed

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

1. No more nookie till after Xmas. Yes, I know you don’t care, but I enjoyed phrasing it that way.

2. Everything you ever wanted to know about urinals, ladies. And men, in case you need to brush up on your stance and etiquette. No peeking, no chatting, no excessive shaking.

3. Robot Christmas dance. It’s almost heartwarming, but reminds me a little too much of interpretive worship dances.

4. A Noisy Alphabet. Artist friends: acquire rights and make me some ABC blocks for my future offspring.

5. Epic Xmas card. Which reminds me: I should start sending those out soon. Humbug.
epicxmasbeards
Found this at Waxin’ and Milkin’, which is an amazing collection of images.

Tuesday Twins

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Muppet Sam the Eagle and David Lynch.
lyncheagle

sundries

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

1. Today, there are SEVEN people in the birthday alert column on my Facebook page. That is more well-wishing than I care to offer all at once, even to the ones I like. I guess February is THE time to conceive. Might as well; what else is there to do? Put on more coats?

2. J.Crew deserves a junkpunch for this one:
P1030158

3. Owl in a box!! I may have a new favorite animal. Sorry, llama.

Tuesday Twins

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

It’s not the first time the comparison has been made, but this shot of the Pope on a windy day last month really drives it home.

An exceptional 10%

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

It’s hard to violate the 80/20 rule. If you’re a business, 80% of your profits come from 20% of your customers. So do 80% of your problems, although thankfully not from the same customers.

Although this rule is pervasive, there are exceptions.

“Designers spend most of their time designing products and services for the 10% of the world’s population that already own too much, when 90% don’t have even basic products and services.”
- Alice Rawsthorn, Design Editor, International Herald Tribune
Excerpt from Objectified

Usually, when 80/20 breaks down, it’s in the other direction. Resources even out. Attributes homogenize over groups. So why this exception?

Economics explain most of the divide. The 80/20 rule is approximately true. 20% of the world’s population control just over 80% of the wealth. The lucky 10% at the very top enjoy not only wealth, but the attention of the biggest product designers.

So… designers suck. A lot. They go beyond normal wealth distribution and focus their talents at benefiting the elite. They are arrogant, they encourage exclusivity, they follow money, and they steepen a divide that should be leveled instead.

And we worship them. We shop at CB2, scoff at PC, and make links to the people of Walmart.

Then, worst of all, we hole up in our apartment, launch illustrator, and design more junk to feed our landfills.

-Guest post by Ptango.

PSA

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Reminder of terms of service, November 8, 2009

Attn. Sur le Pants Readers:

It has come to our notice that certain parties have shown undue and premature attention to the holiday known as “Christmas,” up to and including inappropriate decor and music. Said parties are reminded that October’s body is not yet cold, and December remains an event of the distant future. Sur le Pants wishes to advise its many valued readers to cease and desist all hanging of wreaths, humming of or deliberate creation of playlists featuring carols or other holiday musical compositions (especially those performed by American Idol contestants), bringing evergreen trees or other winter greenery indoors with the intent to festoon it with tchotchkes, hanging lights, or cluttering mantels and other furniture with seasonal statues and knick-knacks.

This behavior will not be tolerated until November 27, 12 am EST, at which point appropriate seasonal holiday-related actions may be taken.

Please be advised that anyone in violation of these terms of service may be subject to extended “bitchface” with the additional possibility of being given the “stank eye.”

Many thanks for your speedy compliance.

Management, Sur le Pants

Things my father taught me, part 1

Friday, November 6th, 2009

poison-ivy

Rules for Traipsing: a) wear long pants; b) wear socks and shoes. He had a sensible respect for poison ivy and ticks, and this was and is the only sure way to avoid them. I have possibly had one tiny poison ivy blister in my entire life and am mostly convinced that it is a simple matter not to touch the stuff and thus never get the rash. Landscapers working with unavoidable amounts of brush and Losties running from scary island-dwellers through thick vegetation are free to differ with me on this.

In addition to protective gear, my father made sure we knew exactly what this leafy menace looked like. He would walk us through the woods, quizzing us on tricky lookalikes until we could easily identify the right plant. Poison ivy has dark green, pointy leaves in clusters of three; the stems are woody. When my brothers and sisters and I went into the woods to build forts or dig traps for “bad guys” or pee* or hide from each other, we kept one eye on the ground to make sure we weren’t walking through anything itchy.

It worked; I can’t remember any of us having any serious outbreaks of poison ivy. This makes me curious about people who are “more susceptible” to it. I have to fight the “Well, DUH!” reaction when I see a friend is covered in Calamine lotion and wearing oven mitts. Did he not have the benefit of a rural education? Did no one else learn, “Leaves of three: let them be!”?

This is how my father lives. He has experienced acute poison ivy, and so has learned to prevent it, and he makes sure that we, too, are educated and able to avoid unnecessary suffering. He rarely calls to chat, but will do so to make sure we have the best directions for the trip we’re about to take. A few weeks ago, this happened en route to my brother’s soccer game in deepest, stickiest Virginia. I wanted to break in to tell him we have iPhones now; there’s no need for your silly phone books and atlases and Boy Scouting, but I dutifully recorded the county roads numbers and landmarks. And so we weren’t late or lost or ill-tempered about being so. Google’s map would have landed us a good five miles away.

My instruction in the proper cleaning of cloth diapers, log cabin construction and reloading of rifle cartridges is a topic for a future post or two, but you can bet there’s a careful and intelligent system to each, according to Dad.

*Yes, we had indoor plumbing. For some reason, we didn’t want to break up the party by running inside and risking exposure to chores, so we designated a “business area” in the woods. Don’t judge.

Grace in Small Things

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

Seems right for a Wednesday. Mine, by the way, made me furious, but I beat it all to death on the treadmill. Perhaps it’s the Be Joyful in All Things, Dammit! Christian upbringing in me, but I feel I should atone for my churlishness by noting the following Graces:

1. Nancy Grace on that stupid HLN channel playing constantly on the TVs at my gym has been all abuzz about the recent gang rape in Richmond, CA. Thinking about this on the treadmill today made me spitting mad, and I ran and ran faster and ran harder and was determined not ever to be a victim of crimes against women. I’m fortunate to have health and stamina and the means to train my body to run and kick and punch. I rarely find myself in unsafe settings, and I have a fierce sense of knowing exactly what I don’t have to put up with.

2. Anniversaries. We had our fourth this year, Assers her first, J3 celebrates three today, and my brother-in-law hits two next month.
that butterfly

3. Library trip today. This is pretty much my favorite place to go ever (It’s full of books. That you can take for free. I know!), but I almost never go. As soon as I’m done writing this damned blog, I’m going to go to bed with Bernard Cornwell. Oh, yeah.

4. The World Series is almost over! Can’t wait till Facebook is once again a wasteland of Here’s My Baby!, I Didn’t Get Enough Sleep Last Night, and I’m Getting Sick status updates. Sheesh.

5. Business is good. I hope you get the ad with the guy who “GOT RIPPED IN 4 WEEKS.” Is he wearing flesh-colored Hulk gloves?

Tuesday Twins

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
I really enjoy people-watching.  I like to study what they’re wearing and the planes of their faces and to observe how they carry themselves.  This probably means I should either be really good at life drawing or at being a pervy stalker.  It often results in my yelling, “A-ha!” during movies and tv when I spot an actor I’ve seen elsewhere.  I bet you didn’t know Shane Botwin was in an episode of Freaks and Geeks.  He was also the voice of Nemo (the fish, not the submarine captain).

ShaneFreakGeek

If you stare at people long enough, you find similarities. Back when Sacha Baron Cohen was everywhere on the earth promoting Bruno, I kept mistaking his sassy coiff for that of Liverpool FC striker Fernando Torres.

brunando
brunando crawl

NaBloPoMOFOS!!!

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

Happy November!  We here at Sur le Pants are pleased to announce a fresh new look, thanks to the coding wizardry of KL Creative Design and an all-night vector binge in which I wrestled Illustrator CS3 to the floor and kicked it till it hollered.

I’m taking the opportunity to launch the newness and kick my own ass by participating once again in National Blog-Posting Month. Join it up, bitchez!

Does this count as a post?  Can I stop now?