POST OFFICE, NEW YORK, N.Y.

SECTION 598, POSTAL LAWS AND REGULATIONS, 1940

Every obscene, lewd, or lascivious and every filthy book, pamphlet, picture, paper, letter, writing, print, or other publication of an indecent character, and every article or thing designed, adapted, or intended for preventing conception or producing abortion, or for any indecent or immoral use; and every advertised or described in a manner calculated to lead another to use or apply it for preventing conception or producing abortion or for any indecient or immoral purpose; and every written or printed card, letter, circular, book, pamphlet, advertisement, or notice of and kind giving information, directly or indirectly, where, or how, or from whom, or by what means any of the hereinbefore-metioned matters, articles, or things may be obtained or made, or where or by whom any act or operation of any kind for the procuring or producing of abortion will be done or performed, or how or by what means conception may be prevented or abortion produced, whether sealed or unsealed; and every letter, packet, or package, or other mail matter containing any filthy, vile, or indecent thing, device, or substance; and every paper, writing, advertisement, or representation that any article, instrument, substance, drug, medicine, or thing may, or can be, used or applied for preventing conception or producing abortion, or for any indecent or immoral purpose; and every description calculated to induce or incite a person to use or apply any such article, instrument, substance, drug, medicine, or thing, is hereby declared to be nonmailable matter and shall not be conveyed in the mails or delivered from any post office or by any letter carrier. Whoever shall knowingly deposit, or cause to be deposited for mailing or delivery, anything declared by this section to be nonmailable, or shall knowingly take, or cause the same to be taken, from the mails for the purpose of circulating or disposing thereof, or of aiding in the circulation or disposition thereof, shall be fined not more than five thousand dollars, or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.
2. And the term “indecent” within the intendment of this section shall include matter of a character tending to incite arson, murder, or assassination.
3. Any person who knowingly and willfully deposits or causes to be deposited for conveyance in the mail or for delivery from any post office or by any letter carrier any letter, paper, writing, print, missive, or document containing any threat to take the life of or to inflict bodily harm upon the President of the United States, or who knowingly and willfully otherwise makes any such threat against the President, shall upon conviction be fined not exceeding $1,000 or imprisoned not exceeding five years, or both.

Bla, ble, bli, blo, bluuuuuuh! This reminds me of doing “blend ladders” when I was learning to read (at the age of four, sssssizzle!).  My mother would hold up a “blend” flashcard that said “thr” or “fl” and I would sing it with each vowel up the scale: thra, thre, thri, thro, thru. 

In addition to being raised to crippling dorkity, I can kick all y’all’s asses in the phonics department.  Come on, whatchu got?  Sl?  Str? Bring it!

*although, anything ending with “Eat Mo” would seem to belie the weight loss at which salad intake aims.

“CHOCKING ON AN APPERTIZER

Anybody can get something stuck in their throat. Its decidedly more common for the kids and grandparents than everyone else

– although it gets more common as the wine starts flowing.

Know the Heimlich maneuver and call 911.

LIGHTING THE KITCHEN OF FIRE

Grease fires are notoriously dangerous. It’s easy to extinguish the typical grease fire by smothering it, but make sure everyone is heading out of the house first.

Be aware of grease fires. NEVER USE WATER ON A GREASE FIRE!”

I’ve been getting a lot of grease fire email warnings lately. Apparently, it’s a big enough deal that they do fireball experiments in test kitchens. I am in the wrong line of work.

I’d like to reiterate how awesome this website is. Go there. Do it!

*1 : triumphantly boastful : exulting
2 : awry

Example sentence:
Team members, still cock-a-hoop over last week’s
victory, need to regain their focus and win one more
game for the championship.

Did you know?
The adjective “cock-a-hoop” comes from a curious 16th-
and 17th-century expression, “to set cock a hoop,”
which meant “to be festive” or “to drink or celebrate
without restraint.” Etymologists, however, are not
entirely certain about the origin of that old
expression. Although no one knows if it originally had
any connection with the “rooster” sense of “cock,”
many people thought it did — and this perceived
association influenced the current meaning of
“cock-a-hoop.” The cock is known for its triumphant
crow, and “cock-a-hoop” is now used to refer to
something triumphantly boastful.

(ripped from an old word-of-the-day email forward)

Pronunciation: \ˈȯr-ē-ˌent\
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: French orienter, from Middle French, from orient

1 a: to set or arrange in any determinate position especially in relation to the points of the compass
b: to ascertain the bearings of
2 a: to set right by adjusting to facts or principles
b: to acquaint with the existing situation or environment

YES:
I emerged from the subway and used the street signs to orient myself.
When I woke up, I felt disoriented.
The new students assembled for orientation. (“-ation” is the act of orienting)

NO:
I will go in early to my new job to get orientated.
Shuckadarn! This moonshine makes me feel all disorientated!

So, don’t let me catch you…..!