Commentator during last weekend’s Preakness Stakes: “I had the pleasure of riding both his mother and his grandmother.”

2. I wish I had thought of this.

Brian & Eileen’s Wedding Music Video. from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.

3. Ever suffered through an Olan Mills portrait session? Now you can laugh at others in awkward photo poses.

You decide which is the stripper, the band or the STD. Personally, I’m wanting to vaccinate myself against both Chungbum AND Vagionakis. Both sound unpleasant.

Chungbum (Korean)

Vagionakis (Greek)

Iztok Zapad (Bulgarian)

This last one always reminds me of Zaphod Beeblebrox, from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which is the only sci-fi I can tolerate.

2. I quit my job last week.  In the middle of a recession.  I have further courted bad voodoo by choosing Friday 13 as my last day.  But it’s been the best two weeks of my 5 years here, because I’ve had uplifting lunches with people I genuinely like, a clear idea of my exit strategy, and a significantly brighter outlook.  I may be violating an Obama trademark on this word, but I actually feel HOPEFUL.

3. March is the birthday month of everyone I know, so there are things to look forward to all over the place.

4. My sister is in England!  I’m delighted that she has slipped the frigid bonds of a long February in western New York.  It may not be summer there, but at least there are delightful accents to listen to.  Plus, unlike her first visit there, it is no longer necessary to pretend she’s Canadian.  Now, people all over the world are buttonholing* Americans and thanking them for our regime change.

5. Last night I spent a lovely 2 hours listening to Welshmen read their writings at the NY Public Library.  Came away with the very moderate goals of learning Welsh, moving to Wales, writing several books, reading the Mabinogion, studying British history and buying all of Owen Sheers‘ books.

Lechyd Da!

*I first encountered this bafflingly innocent word in a jacket blurb on the back of Chaim Potok’s The Chosen.  Doesn’t it sound dirty, though?

2. On my way into the building, I passed the front desk and swear I heard the visitor give his name as “Eddie Mylsanauer.” Zoom!

3. And in the spirit of semi-consistency, here is your Music Friday: Bong Songs. Because I guarantee these folks are smokers and midnight tokers.

a. Seven Bridges Road: The Eagles. Don’t even listen to the one over in the sidebar. Stupid Imeem didn’t have the live Eagles version, which is excellent and even has a bunch of happy hippies going, “Yay!” at the end.

b. Peace Train: Cat Stevens. Love how he whips up those chords.

c. Moonshadow: Cat Stevens again. Best line ever: And if I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth, north and south…

d. Helplessly Hoping: Crosby Stills & Nash. Alliterative awesomeness.

e. Call Me Up in Dreamland: Van Morrison. Insert any Van the Man song in a hippie playlist, really. He melts my butter.

f. Spinning Wheel: Blood, Sweat & Tears. Ride your painted pony, guys!

g. The Mighty Quinn: Mannfred Man. Imeem sucks again! Bob Dylan’s cover standing in.

2. Ben Hur/Charleton Heston. DEAD ringer (ha). Even rides a bike to the train station, chariot-like.

3. Frumpy Heidi. Looks a little like Asser’s sister, but somewhat sloppy.

4. Nice Conductor. Handsome, genteel, suave, professional. Except he has the most misguided hairstyle: long braided ponytail with a completely shaved scalp underneath the back.

5. Seedy Boys Club. Look exactly like frat boys with thinning hair and wedding bands. Guffaw loudly about farts and sports. Probably work on Wall Street.

6. Richard Dreyfuss

7. Bob Balaban

8. Leonine Man. Short, powerful, sinewy, but somehow more catlike than manly because of it.

9. Huge Face Man I and II.

10. Unfortunate-looking Girl. Has unsightly, fleshy pimple at crown of head.

11. Grown-up Allissa. Have been trying for years to get a good picture to prove this.

12. Man-hips. Wears high-wasted pleated chinos that are too short and showcase his rather womanly posterior.

2. Kirsty MacColl: In These Shoes. Sassy! And practice your Spanish.

3. Kim Carnes: Bette Davis Eyes. I don’t have anything to say about this song, but I like it.

4. Feist: Sea Lion Woman. Start dancing again! This one is live, so deal with all the applause and whatnot.

5. Nina Simone: Sinnerman. Mixed by Felix da Housecat. For Julie and possibly Joey Hall, if they don’t think this is sacrilege.

Naturally, I would have 2 hours worth of technical difficulties, in which I refused to ask P for help in loading up a new imeem playlist and slipping its code into the correct place, but after he became sick of hearing all the goddammits and huffing coming from the studio and I had hurled my martyred self across the bed, he very graciously went through it with me. And again, the machine noticed that the person using it had a penis and cooperated exactly as it should have.

So here is my musical offering, gentle reader (I know there’s only one of you. Hi, KL!).

1. Music is the Victim- Scissor Sisters. One of my favorite work-out songs, and very appropriate because my daddy actually DOES go on a “dog run.”

2. You Turn Me On, I’m a Radio- Joni Mitchell. Fell in love with her in college, thanks to my matchless roompit’s CD collection and haven’t looked back. This song is completely out of sync with the others on this list, so you will perhaps want to save it for sunny afternoon of dancing around in the house in your underwear.

3. I Love to Boogie- T Rex. From the Billy Elliot soundtrack!

4. Fat-Bottom Girls- Queen. Inappropriate! Rousing! Why can’t high school choirs sing this? May lead to raccous lip-syncing and compromising rock-star poses.

 Upon the suggestion of Whoopee (whom I would indeed follow over a cliff), I have joined imeem, so as to add songs to my sidebar, as I have done with Flickr.  Until I figure out how to do that, however, you must be content with these suggestions for revving up your fine selves.   You’ve heard of downloading songs, right?  I have just enjoyed their motivational and kickass qualities on the treadmill.

 1. Suite Judy Blue Eyes, Crosby Stills Nash & Young.  7 minutes and 42 seconds of bliss. 

2. John Saw That Number, Neko Case.  It’s the gospel of truth, people, and you will see God.  I saw her play recently and was in raptures when she closed with this song.

3. Get Right With God, Lucinda Williams.  Isn’t that what we all want?

4. Nuclear War, Yo La Tengo.  I believe it belongs to Sun Ra, but YLT adds in a choir of little children, which is especially delish on the “It’s a motherfucker, dontcha know!” chorus.  Another 7 minutes + song. 

5. Say You Will, Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals.  How can you say no to Ben Harper?