spotted on Dlisted

Meanwhile, back at home, the landlords keep it so hot the only way to sleep is spread-eagle naked with an ice cube on your tongue.

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June 19: Macrida Patterson is suing Victoria’s Secret, claiming she was injured by one of their thongs. TODAY’s Meredith Vieira talks to Macrida and her lawyer, Jason Buccat, about the incident.

 http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/25258620#25258620

This sounds like a case that would come up on Ally McBeal.  That lawyer must be all of 15 years old. And he is SO PROUD of his Victoria’s Secret Angels joke.

2. My sister was a nanny for a curious 3-year-old, who had just learned about her bits and one day decided to joyfully holler, “Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!” at the top of her voice while J3 was minding her.  Unfortunately, the child’s mother was upstairs and came running immediately (wouldn’t you?).  J3’s face must have been one big blotchy combination of horror, embarassment, defensiveness and amusement.  I’m sorry I missed that. 

3.  The best part.  Today’s author completely conquered our sales conference and secured her place in our company’s heart when she incorporated audience participation by handing out giant cards (think “MR. SCHNAFFENFLUFFER” signs that drivers hold up at airports) that read “VAGINA,” “ORGASM,” “MASTURBATION,” “INTERCOURSE,” and “CLITORIS.” (PENIS was omitted on the basis that is “has become a household word, like ’dog’ or ‘cat’).  That wasn’t half the fun.  While she related some anecdotes from her book research, sign-holders were meant to sing out their particular buzzword when called upon. 

We squirmed a bit at first, even the president looking as nervous as a 6th grader in sex-ed, but the volunteers gathered courage, and soon even the stern sales director was putting a delay in his resonant “ORGASM   !” for effect, and the rest of us were guffawing loudly. 

Forget falling asleep– that was the best sales conference of all time.  I even called P, so he got to overhear someone yell, “BUTTHOLE” when the CLITORIS person was too slow. 

At work, we’ve been having our bi-annual sales conference, which means free, good food, a steady supply of tea and coffee, lots of sitting and listening and trying not to zone out and sleep or pick your nose or fart while the editors pitch the books they’ll be publishing in the coming season. 

Also, each day we get to hear 2 of our top authors talk about their projects and see for ourselves how media-savvy they are as far as promotion goes. 

Tuesday’s best quote came from author #2, whom I’d never read on account of his Oprah book club status, but with whom I immediately fell in love.  A character in his new book is an unfortunate stripper with a heart of gold who needs the money to support her darling little girl.  Naturally, such things require research, so off went the wholesome, devoted husband and father to seedy clubs in Florida:

 ”It’s not so bad, actually, kicking back with a whiskey, watching naked women.”