Today, the day before Thanksgiving, was not a good day to be at a mass transit hub. Penn Station was the devil, packed with thousands (I may exaggerate, but not by much) of suitcase-turtled wretches. It’s just a normal day at Penn when you see tricked-out soldiers with automatic weapons and attack dogs (ha, first I typed ‘attach dogs.’ Just as useful, perhaps like live, furry, rubber darts!), but tonight it occurred to me that a packed station on a holiday is actually quite an ideal time to cause some destructive mischief.

FEAR NOT, however. I present the New Jersey Transit Mounted Segway Police.

What could be scarier than Rihanna’s AMA outfit?

And who could describe it better than the Fug Girls?  “…her spiky bodice — the sides of which appear to be barfing chains — is something I imagine strippers wore in Mordor. It’s very overdone and freaky, and I can’t BELIEVE she was willing to put up with chains thwacking against her Precious every time she moved.”

1. I’ve stolen this descriptor from Defective Yeti, because it applies so aptly to certain brothers-in-law of mine. Let us try out for size one “Dave,” who “has a head of hair that looks as though it has not so much as exchanged a postcard with a comb in the last five years.”

2. It’s the recession; time to cut back on the mistresses! (as I was reading that article, I noticed a Google Ad: “Women doing dog: Great bargains! Save on women doing dog.” You clever internet bestiality, you! I was looking for some girl on dog porn, and you nearly convinced me to shop wisely).

3. Talking of ads, last night on the turnpike, we drove by a giant billboard for Bud Light. “The Difference is Drinkability.” Is this what Recession Marketing looks like? “We realize you’re only drinking this swill because you’re poor and/or trash, but hey, at least it’s drinkable. Go out and getcha some!”

A gem from Engrish.com

I stole this from a friend’s Facebook profile.  It seems to be some sort of English Naval recruiter’s version of an Uncle Sam poster. I prefer not to join.

The phrase is falsely attributed to Winston Churchill (”Don’t talk to me about naval tradition. It’s nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.“) and is also the name of a best-selling album by The Pogues.

The album cover painting is based on “The Raft of the Medusa” by Theodore Gericault, which in turn may have been inspired by

John Singleton Copley’s “Watson and the Shark.”  Brook Watson was a 14-year-old crew member of a trading ship whose leg

was eaten by a shark.  Copley met him in London (where Watson later became mayor) and the painting was subsequently commissioned.  Upon Watson’s death, a copy was given to a hospital to warn kids of the dangers of swimming in shark-infested waters.  I suspect the intended lesson of this public service poster may have been too late for anyone sitting in the ER with a missing leg.

The figure of the unfortunate Watson (did the shark eat his clothes, too?) was based on “The Borghese Gladiator” by Agasius of Ephesus.  The gladiator’s form is also echoed in Rubens’ “Conclusion of the Peace at Angers.”

Groucho: How much would you want to run into an open manhole?

Chico: Just the cover charge.

Groucho: Well drop in some time.

Chico: Sewer.

I betcha Sarah Palin can get a post-election gig writing a big-game cookbook called “Grill, Baby, Grill!”