Working at home is great– pants are optional, snacks are bountiful, and wake-up time is negotiable. Sometimes, though, the Old Scratch comes to collect his dues for this indolent lifestyle, and he brings us trials in the form of late-night negotiations with Asian manufacturers.

Sample convo with Asian mfrs:

“Ethel” Xua Po: Please sign this 42 page contract without looking and return us your soonest.

Peter: Thanks for the contract. We are unable to agree to clause 4, which requires us to eat babies. We suggest rewording to say, “Ten One will deliver the Product within 30 days and will not eat babies.”

EXP: Because to company policies, our legal office requires no changes. Plz sign to us sooner. Thanks you.

Peter: I’m afraid we must insist on removing the baby-eating language. This agreement is for the prompt delivery of our Product and should not extend to nutritional matters. Thanks for your understanding.

EXP: Suppose we can agree to delete babies. But we ask you reconsider 30 days. We require Product tomorrow.

Peter: As mentioned in last month’s correspondence, it takes 30 days to manufacture and deliver the Product. We regret that the lead time can not be shortened.

EXP: Then we suggest you assign intellectual property to us for purposes counterfeit in cheaper Chinese sweatshop.

Peter: We do enjoy your sense of humor. We shall not transfer the IP; this is merely a purchase agreement for the delivery of our Products.

EXP: Thanks. We can allow you keep your copyright only if compromise to eat babies. Our legal say it might cause too much troublesome for future business. It’s not to be seen that we are sank into this argument & ignore the foreseen opportunity.

Peter: What do happen??!!?